For the first time since I moved to the country, I’m feeling disgruntled about being here. Oh, I know that there have been many times when I questioned my rationale for relocating, but it was always a simple choice between Durban and here, and really, after living here for a few months, there was no contest. I can state quite categorically that I would have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back to my hometown. So why now the onset of these feelings of dissatisfaction?
Basically, I think it’s a severe case of post-vacation dysphoria. For four weeks we were on the go. We hit the ground running and, with the adrenalin pumping, we just kept on going. I had so much fun reconnecting with “the kids”, making new friends, seeing new places and doing all the things that I thoroughly enjoy doing that when I got back home, it was like an enormous anti-climax. And the wheels have just fallen off. I am now struggling to get myself motivated to do anything, let alone get out of bed in the morning, when all I want is to be back on holiday. I would like to add that this feeling of pissed-offness is aggravated by the fact that every time we have a storm here, the power goes off. Last night our electricity went off at 4 pm and only came back on 7 hours later. I typed most of this post by the light of solar Consol jars until my laptop battery finally died.
In the past I’ve waxed lyrical about the empty nest syndrome and how moving to the country helped me get my mojo back. All those bloody life lessons I learned from Martha (Beck) gave me a sense of feeling good about life, post apocalypse. I was back on an even keel, charting my way forward with confidence and bonhomie. And then BAM, it hit me all over again that Kiera is living on the other side of the world and Alex has his own life now in the Cape. And I’m here, feeling vulnerable again and like everything is just too much effort. Okay, I’m aware that this is turning into a pity party for one but what’s the point of writing a blog if you can’t solicit sympathy once in a while?
So basically it’s tough shit, I just need to get over this little hurdle, which I have no doubt I shall do fairly soon (I hope). And then it’s back to normal. Actually, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Kiera and James are planning to have a wedding party at the farm at the end of the year and James’ family will be visiting us then. So I need to stop moping about the place and start getting into gear for the grand event (or “mythical marriage” as Jody calls it). It seems that I shall have my chance to be mother of the bride after all.
In the meantime, there are things to be done: veggies to be planted, gardens to be weeded, clothes to be ironed, and dishes to be washed. Actually, I think I’ll just lie down until the urge to do them passes.
P.S. Judy visited us last weekend and baked me the most delicious apple pie because I was going through pie withdrawal and in need of comfort. She’s a true friend.
The sunsets after storms are the best. Unfortunately they are always accompanied by power failures.